There is no worse fate in the world than being above average. This is doubly true for football teams. Are you a great team? Congratulations: Enjoy a steady stream of ego-stroking from balding, bespectacled pundits, and, in your spare time, bask in the hatred of other teams and fans, who probably do legitimately hate you but also, deep down, are a tiny bit jealous. Are you a terrible team? Well, that is unfortunate, but here is a consolation prize: Other coaches will trip over themselves to sell you as being good right before they play you, fans of other teams will spend less time ripping on you than sympathizing, and there will hardly be any mention of your woes in the national media, mostly because the national media will have better things to talk about. Are you average? Rejoice! All of your losses are justifiable, and all of your wins are “a sign of things to come.”

But … wait, you’re an above average team, Baltimore Ravens? Oh, well, then you can just go have sex with yourself. And don’t bother coming back until you have actually done something MEANINGFUL.

That’s how it is, and, I have to say, it’s not totally unfair.

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